The White Pants

Recently, an interesting thing happened, that has never, ever happened to me before. Ever. I've seen it happen to others, heard about it happening, but never personally experienced it. 


I was out with my friend Stacy and her almost-two-year-old daughter for happy hour at our favorite $2.95 appetizer spot. We had finished, paid, and I was sitting with our stuff while she took her little one to the "potty." Just as I was recognizing a paralegal I used to work with about 15 years ago, a waitress came by and started clearing my table...only instead of actually grabbing the less-than-fabulous FULL glass of red wine that our waiter had graciously given to us (they poured an extra at the bar, did we want it?) she knocked it COMPLETELY over INTO my lap!!!


Of course I was wearing nothing but....wait for it...WHITE PANTS!!!! Expensive, crisp, white pants from Sisley (a designer boutique kind of shop that doesn't even exist in the US anymore) that I have owned since before I started dating my now former husband. Did I mention they still look brand new and fit like they were tailor made for me?? The waitress was mortified, apologizing profusely, the bartender was handing me a glass of club soda and a completely non-absorbent linen napkin. I found out the napkin was non-absorbent when I attempted to pour a little of the club soda on it to, I guess, blot my pants (?) and it literally ran off the napkin onto the floor (with the little bit of wine that didn't hit my lap). Seriously. All this while I was recognizing my old friend. 


So Stacy comes back from the bathroom, finally, and all I can say is "I didn't do this." Like that somehow matters. Thank goodness we were at the mall since I had plans to go hang out with "the guy I'm seeing" after I left Stacy. Apparently, white shorts (the only thing that would go with the rest of my outfit), under $50 are hard to come by. And since I refuse to spend more than $30 for shorts, I was out of luck. So, I decided to suck it up, keep my plans, and go ahead and go to "the guy I'm seeing's" house in my expensive, not-so-crisp anymore, white, red-wine-stained pants, because...I am fierce. 


When I arrived, he laughed, of course, and so did his friend (did I mention his friend would also be there??) and then asked if I wanted shorts. "Sure," I say. "Second drawer on the right," he replies. So I march upstairs to get some shorts, and what do I find? I mean, as in, the only thing that would remotely stay up on me? Sky blue, mesh basketball shorts that hang past my knees. Sexy. Then I proceed back downstairs to where he and his bud are hanging out and gave them both another laugh. Glad I could be of service boys. 


The happy ending is that after soaking my pants in vodka (Grey Goose to be exact because I didn't have any cheap stuff) and then a baking soda rub (Thanks Adam S. for the tips!) I had removed most of the stain. I then took them to the dry cleaner and for $4.25, they completely removed the stain!!! Amazing! I'm so glad I didn't make a big deal at the restaurant about the spill. The waitress was probably some poor college girl, working to put herself through school, and who knows if her boss would have made her pay to replace them or not. Life happens and in this next phase of my life, I'm trying to let things roll, at least when it's just a pair of expensive, crisp, perfect, white pants. :)